What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 23:48
Im still living with it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Do you have any opinion on Japanese writer/actor Yukio Mishima?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I will be 64.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
What factors contributed to The Beatles' bitterness?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Are there any nude pictures of women with big tits?
Especially a lifetime of it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
How does a 45-year-old man get a girlfriend?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I said to her
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
If you believe in God, do you think God can save you from cancer?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why do people say "tall, dark, and handsome" when they actually mean "tall, white, and handsome"?
Who then, do I blame.?
We were not on the streets..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Renault CEO and architect of Alpine F1 project stepping down - The Race
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She was in good health!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Isn't it a turn on to have sex with a girl in a skirt or in a tight spandex?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One cannot live in the past .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why do I want to suck cock tonight?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was very sick at this time too.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was seconnd youngest,
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Comes on , in middle age.
I have no regrets .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was scared of men, in general
She married twice! .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
So whats the point in blame.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
What did i know ?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
All the time i was locked up.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Ive learnt so much.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I never cut or harmed myself..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I waited trembling.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My life is so biszare .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
This is soul school!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She wouldn,t have been !
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But ive been too sick for many years..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He resisted the act ,that day.
She loved him until the end.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I think the readers, may guess!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I write beautiful poetry .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
It was going to be , some day.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I don,t even have a pension.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My family never makes their pension either.
But, we were locked up after school.
We all went to grammer schools
When she asked me how she looked .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why did i forgive my father ?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Put me off passion for life!!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was 9 years of age.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I couldn’t, believe it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Was to survive, this bastard.
And i lived it daily.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Would this be the day?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I could never make a relationship work though!
She found it foreign!.
He knew the spot.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So, i spoilt her more .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But it wasn’t much.